In which I write an open letter... and probably need to wash my mouth out with soap. Repeatedly.

Alright, well, this post might get me in a little bit of trouble with some people (although the people with whom this might get me in trouble are probably the least likely to read my blog, so whatever)... and what's life without causing a little ruckus now and again, right?

So recently, I was speaking with an individual about volunteering with an LGBT rights organization. This person, a gay man (for the sake of anonymity, let's just refer to him as NPD), told me, in no uncertain terms, that he had no interest whatsoever in doing such a thing. In fact, I believe that the following phrase (or something extraordinarily close) was used: "I don't do organized faggotry." This implies the following things to me:

a) He feels that LGBT rights work is beneath him

b) I'm an idiot for even bringing up such a suggestion

c) In his mind, the pecking order of life goes something like this:

Cher > NPD > Lots o' People > Rush Limbaugh > Me > I don't know... cockroaches? Nobody likes a cockroach, right?

In fairness, though I may pick on NPD a bit, he is not the only gay man (and yes, I'm centering this post around gay men and, more specifically, a certain type of gay man) I've encountered who has had this way of looking at things. In fact, I've been constantly shocked by how vehemently some gay men are against being "political"... and by how much I can be looked down upon because I am a tad involved in the LGBT movement. Sometimes I argue with the person making such comments, sometimes I don't. But I was thinking (with a little prodding from the Frankle) that it might just be easier to have kind of a stock reply that I could direct a person to. Maybe I'll even have cards printed up with the website listed. So please consider this an open letter to NPD and scores of self-involved, LGBT rights movement-hating gay men everywhere. Enjoy!

Dear Jackass:

Wait. I probably shouldn't start off with something that's immediately going to put the reader on the defensive. Let's try again.

Dear Friend:

You are a gigantic asshole. Shall we discuss why?

When did "political" or "activist" become dirty words? I can't tell you how many times gay men like you have uttered those words to me pejoratively. And I never quite understand why. Is it a bad thing to care that I have very little protection under the law? Is it a bad thing to feel empathy for people who have things quite a bit worse than me, and try and make the world a little bit of a better place for them?

Well, evidently so. Because if I'm not hitting the clubs, trolling Craigslist for random sex, discussing the pros and cons of Britney's new boy toy, and actually care about other humans, well... that must make me a "political gay." And thus, the enemy.

Let me ask you something. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? How about 20? Do you have a job? A place to live? Are you married? Or have you been fired from your job because your boss hates queers, denied housing because your landlord doesn't want to aid and abet a felony (and yes, sodomy laws are still on the books, my friend), and refused entrance to your partner's hospital room because your relationship has no legal standing?

Oh, I know, I know. Here goes the "activist," talking about all the "problems" that are never going to affect you.

And you may be right. Maybe none of those things will happen to you. But if they don't, do you know why? Two reasons:

1) Because you're a privileged jerkoff, and you're too self-absorbed to recognize that fact. You live in a place where people like the gays? Your boss is totally down with the 'mos? Good for you! You do realize that not everyone lives in those places, right? Chapel Hill is not a microcosm of the world. In fact, I'd argue that it's a fucking aberration. LGBT individuals in many, many, many places are too scared to come out, because they don't live in towns like Chapel Hill. LGBT people are fired from jobs all the time because of their sexual orientation/gender identity. Attacked. Killed. How does that not bother you? There must have been some time in your life when you struggled, either with your sexuality or something else. Has no one ever helped you in your life? Do you feel no sense of connection with others who are like you... just much, much worse off? Or are you too caught up in your world of pop culture and gossip to notice and/or care? Do you only look for a connection if it can get you some ass? If this is the case, I invite you to re-read the first sentence of this paragraph.

2) Because people like me will have killed themselves to make the world a better place for your selfish ass. Yeah, there are people who are devoting time, energy, and sanity to making sure you can have equal rights. To make sure you can get married one day. To make sure that a 12-year-old in Bumfuck, USA won't be fag-bashed because he seems a little effeminate. To make sure that fringe religious organizations don't indoctrinate LGBT people into believing that they're worthless sinners who should put themselves out of their misery. When you get married, are you going to thank the people who fought for that? When you want to adopt a kid, are you going to think about the people who made that possible? Or are you going to just believe that you're getting what's owed to you, because the sole fact of your existence is impressive enough to create change in this world? Here's a secret fantasy of mine: Every time someone says "activist" to me like it's a dirty word, I think to myself: I'm going to keep fighting for equal rights. Except for you. If I had the power, I'd write you out of any rights we're able to attain. Everyone can get married. Except you, NPD. No one can be fired. Except for you, NPD. In fact, I hope you get fired, you thoughtless fuck.

Alright. Let me take a step back here, because I think my anger has gotten the best of me a bit.

Here's the thing.

In case you hadn't noticed, we're in the middle of a movement for civil rights. But one reason why the movement is stuck in a "one step forward, one step back" mess is that people like you just don't care. If everyone LGBT-identified person actually gave a shit, and did something, anything, we'd make some real progress. It doesn't have to be difficult. You don't have to personally argue your case with a senator and you don't have to write policy and you don't have to be like me, a self-described masochist who spends his free time hanging out on right-wing message boards to see what hate-filled nonsense the 'phobes are spewing now (in fact, I would actively argue against being like me). Just do SOMETHING. Here's a couple of easy steps for you:

1) Realize that LGBT people in this world, country, state, and town have things a lot worse off than you. They don't have the ability to be out, to joke with friends, to use words like "faggot" in an ironic sense. (Because words like "faggot" are always funny if used ironically.)

2) Understand that as much as you feel accepted in your present surroundings, that could change in an instant. Moving to a new town for a job, meeting your new brother-in-law's family, a car breaking down in the middle of rural NC, etc. Are you ready for that?

3) Appreciate that people are working to change such things... and that's not a bad, weird, or socially unacceptable thing.

4) Take baby steps in doing something to actually help your fellow humans. Talk with friends and family members about LGBT rights, get them to support pro-LGBT policy, and help improve polling numbers. Send an email to a legislator. And don't alienate the people who are trying to help you and your goddamn friends, asshole.

Look. In forty or fifty years, when your grandkids (made possible by those sons and daughters you were able to adopt, thanks to people like me) say to you: "Wow Grandpa. You were young during the last great civil rights movement... what did you do during it?" Do you want to only be able to say that you clubbed and drank your way through it? Or will you realize that people other than you actually do exist in this world, you condescending-ass motherfucker?

Thanks for your time.

All the best,

Seth